In my short life, I have yet to find emotions quite as powerful as those that stem from a broken heart: the sadness, the anger, the overwhelming loneliness, the feelings of isolation...as far as I'm concerned, there is absolutely nothing in the realm of human experiences as painful as heartbreak.
Many of us have spent the majority of our lives with our hearts shattered, relying on ourselves to pick up each piece on our own. But I think we all know deep down that we can't do it. As imperfect, sinful beings, our original sin continues to slice and stab and tear apart any feeble attempt our mortal selves could possibly make in order to begin healing. And even worse, the scriptures clearly tell us it's that original sin at the root of our heartbreak in the first place.
Well, doesn't that just rock your socks off?
What do we do, then? Here we are, in this vicious, filthy cycle of heart shattering sin and darkness, unable to save ourselves from ourselves. Here we are, trying to mend the ripped seams of our lives according to what we want, in the way that we want things to occur. Here we are, pathetically attempting to fight a battle far too big for us.
Sometimes, I just don't understand humans. At every second of every day, especially during these times of isolation and pain, we have a Savior, waiting for us with open arms, freely offering forgiveness of the sins that have pulled us down into the pit, freely offering His blood for our redemption, freely offering His love, His grace, His ultimate mercy.
But we just walk on by, picking up our sinful hearts piece by piece, with Satan lingering not too far behind, whispering lies, and tag teaming with our original sin to destroy any progress we possibly could have achieved. I've found with many people (myself included), deep down, we do this because we don't feel worthy of Christ. We feel that we are too broken, too sinful, too...whatever, to be loved by Him. And frankly, that's the truth. We are completely unworthy of His grace and mercy, but when His blood was poured out on the cross, the veil was torn, the broken relationship with the father was restored, and the debt of the entire sinful world was paid.
In fact, God even uses our experiences in heartbreak in this already broken world to further His kingdom (And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. -Romans 8:28). God doesn't cast this pain upon us, but in His time, and within His lovingly crafted plans for us, He can use them to continue to shape us into the person He created us to be. He uses the valleys in our lives to demonstrate His constant presence and love in new and powerful ways (The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:18). He can lead us to use the painful lessons we have learned in testimonies to relate and reach out to other kindred spirits.
When I was in Nicaragua, my heart was broken over, and over, and over again, in an extreme variety of ways. From meeting another missionary who could have been the perfect guy for me if we didn't live thousands of miles apart, to feelings of failure when I felt that I wasn't doing my job good enough, to literal ache in my entire being when I saw all the pain and brokenness that afflicted Candelaria and it's residents. God used that aching in my heart and soul to ignite a flame of passion. Passion not only for the individuals I was so blessed to serve in Latin America, but for all of my brothers and sisters in Christ. He led me down a path that caused me to desire a life of servitude to His kingdom stronger than I'd ever had before. God used my brokenness, my flaws, my pain, to strengthen the servant's heart He had already blessed me with at the time He created me.
My prayer is that we can all learn to look at our brokenness in a different light - the light of Christ Jesus, so that we can submit to Him, taking up our daily cross - those burdens that afflict our lives each day - and follow the path He has made for us. I pray that a spirit of passion is ignited from our wounded hearts, creating a flame that can change and illuminate this world.
"Heal my heart and make it clean,
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like You
Have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours,
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from Earth into eternity." -Hosanna, by Hillsong.
Love Always,
-ellie*
P.S. Please pray for my grandpa. He has been in and out of the emergency room and hospital a lot lately due to renal failure. He is on dialysis and is struggling with having a preoccupation of mortality. Prayers for comfort and assurance of God's love and grace and constant reminding of the promise of eternal life would be greatly appreciated by my entire family during this difficult time.
I would also like to ask for prayers for all ten of the Concordias in the Concordia University System of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. Prayer for wisdom and understanding on the part of the faculty and staff, for focus and devotion on the part of the students, and a strong and loving sense of Christ-centered community on all of the campuses this academic year and beyond.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
Hearing the Truth In the Midst of Lies.
The devil is a persistent dude. He's like those kids on the playground in elementary school who teased you about your glasses. Your mom always told you to ignore them, but they never backed down. They wanted a reaction out of you, and it didn't matter how long it took, they'd keep on calling you "four-eyes" until you started crying, or worse, hit them, and then you ended up being the one in trouble.
Recently, in my life, Satan has been acting like those kids. He just will not quit. For a few months, until mid-June, my walk had been straying from the path God has called me to be on. If people asked me if I was a Christian, I would say something like "Yes, but I'm kinda in a fight with God right now". When I finally stopped trying to get what I wanted in life by rebelling against my Holy Father, I was excited to listen to God speak life and truth into me again, but I wasn't prepared for the sore loser's attack from Satan.
Satan doesn't fight fair. He fights dirty. He takes low blows, and he hits you where it really hurts. In high school, I tried out for the Iowa All-State Choir every year, and I never made it. My senior year, when I was rejected for the fourth and final time, I wanted to quit everything to do with music: band, choir, show choir, my lead role in the musical - everything. I felt worthless, like I had no talent, and just plain hurt. I let Satan whisper so many lies into my ears about my abilities and place in the world that I completely looked past any of the things I had previously accomplished in music, or anything else. I was so focused on the lies that Satan had planted in my heart, that I started to lose sight of the truth: God had graciously blessed me with my voice as a way to spread His love to the world, and Satan would do anything he could to stop me from raising my voice in praise to God.
Satan's favorite trick with me though, is to use the people I care about the most against me. He knows that because I have a big heart, that if one person is upset with me (or seems upset with me), or doesn't care about me (or seems like they don't care about me), I'll feel like the world is ending, everyone hates me, and I'm worthless. This is where he's really been attacking me lately, and I've been letting it get the best of me - just what he wants. Thinking about this reminded me of the movie Luther (the 2003 version).
Near the beginning of the movie, Martin Luther is seen pacing around his cell at the monastery, arguing out loud with Satan, until Johann von Staupitz, his mentor, approaches him. Luther was so often terrorized by the devil, resulting in the spewing of anger and rebellion towards God, as he tried to fight Satan's lies and temptations on his own. Johann is quick to remind him that the devil "knows all the weak spots", and encourages Luther to look to Christ.
Now, I know that I'll be quick to call out the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod on putting their focus on Luther and Paul first, and Christ second, but regardless, Martin Luther has always been such an inspiring man to me. Here was this man, who literally came from nothing, who was on the path to being an attorney, who happens to get struck by lightning, and then finds himself in a monastery being relentlessly harassed by Lucifer. Life sucks, huh? But his bravery, his courage, and most importantly, his faith in Jesus, allowed him to change the world. When he finally grasped the fact that Satan "knows all the weak spots", the reality of the strength we have in Christ could shine through. When he stopped trying to do everything on his own, to figure everything out on his own, the Holy Spirit began to work in his heart full force to spread the Good News of the love and grace that we receive as a free gift from God.
When I am reminded of inspiring stories such as Luther's, I can only begin to imagine the amazing things God has planned for each and every one of us. But, at the same time, my heart aches to know that the lethal combination of the conniving devil and our sinful nature will fight to get (and stay) in the way of those plans.
We all know the devil fights dirty. He fights with deceit, and hate, and darkness. So I pray that we all can find strength in Christ Jesus and fight back with truth, and love, and light. We are covered by the blood of our Savior who provides us with God's Holy Armor (Ephesians 6:10-17...check it out if you're not familiar with this passage), and through Him we are victorious - free from Satan, sin, and death.
I leave you with a song by Casting Crowns, Voice of Truth. I hope that it speaks to you, reminding you that we must cling to Christ, and seek Him every day of our lives. He provides our strength, our everything, and the truth He speaks is the only sound that really matters. :)
Love Always,
-ellie*
P.S. I would like to ask you all for your prayers for my dear family at New Song Mission Nicaragua. About three and a half months ago, Anthony Cadena, a 17-year-old youth, drowned in the ocean. Anthony was an inspiring young man. He had a beautiful heart, and faith that could move mountains. He was very active in the church, a blessing to everyone he knew, and such a wonderful friend to me during my summer in Nicaragua in 2010. I especially would like to ask for prayers for Anthony's family, Lisa and Whitney (resident missionaries at New Song who were incredibly close to Anthony), and three of the youth: Andres, Gato (Marvin), and Abel...they were his best friends. God has been laying his healing hand over Candelaria, and all the people here in the States that have been blessed to have Anthony as a part of their lives, but there is still so much pain and so many unanswered questions. Please pray for continued healing and strength, and a sense of peace among us all, particularly the youth of New Song.
Now, I know that I'll be quick to call out the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod on putting their focus on Luther and Paul first, and Christ second, but regardless, Martin Luther has always been such an inspiring man to me. Here was this man, who literally came from nothing, who was on the path to being an attorney, who happens to get struck by lightning, and then finds himself in a monastery being relentlessly harassed by Lucifer. Life sucks, huh? But his bravery, his courage, and most importantly, his faith in Jesus, allowed him to change the world. When he finally grasped the fact that Satan "knows all the weak spots", the reality of the strength we have in Christ could shine through. When he stopped trying to do everything on his own, to figure everything out on his own, the Holy Spirit began to work in his heart full force to spread the Good News of the love and grace that we receive as a free gift from God.
When I am reminded of inspiring stories such as Luther's, I can only begin to imagine the amazing things God has planned for each and every one of us. But, at the same time, my heart aches to know that the lethal combination of the conniving devil and our sinful nature will fight to get (and stay) in the way of those plans.
We all know the devil fights dirty. He fights with deceit, and hate, and darkness. So I pray that we all can find strength in Christ Jesus and fight back with truth, and love, and light. We are covered by the blood of our Savior who provides us with God's Holy Armor (Ephesians 6:10-17...check it out if you're not familiar with this passage), and through Him we are victorious - free from Satan, sin, and death.
I leave you with a song by Casting Crowns, Voice of Truth. I hope that it speaks to you, reminding you that we must cling to Christ, and seek Him every day of our lives. He provides our strength, our everything, and the truth He speaks is the only sound that really matters. :)
Love Always,
-ellie*
P.S. I would like to ask you all for your prayers for my dear family at New Song Mission Nicaragua. About three and a half months ago, Anthony Cadena, a 17-year-old youth, drowned in the ocean. Anthony was an inspiring young man. He had a beautiful heart, and faith that could move mountains. He was very active in the church, a blessing to everyone he knew, and such a wonderful friend to me during my summer in Nicaragua in 2010. I especially would like to ask for prayers for Anthony's family, Lisa and Whitney (resident missionaries at New Song who were incredibly close to Anthony), and three of the youth: Andres, Gato (Marvin), and Abel...they were his best friends. God has been laying his healing hand over Candelaria, and all the people here in the States that have been blessed to have Anthony as a part of their lives, but there is still so much pain and so many unanswered questions. Please pray for continued healing and strength, and a sense of peace among us all, particularly the youth of New Song.
 |
| Anthony and I, August 2010. |
Saturday, June 25, 2011
.L-A-W.
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..." -Romans 3:23.
Ouch. Romans 3:23 has got to be one of the bluntest, harshest, and coldest examples of plain, unsweetened law I've got in my toolbox of Holy Scripture.
I was at FISH (Concordia University Saint Paul's Wednesday night contemporary worship service) when I first encountered this verse, and let me tell you, it was like getting thrown in an ice bath. I had come to FISH that night with a desperate need to hear some gospel, but when the first set of music was finished, the band stepped down, and the speaker flashed those words on her first slide, it seemed as if I was just going to get slapped in the face with the law.
That's the thing about the law. It's painful. It stings. And it's scary. So scary, that some Christians refuse to acknowledge it's existence. I've lost count of how many times Christians, and even entire congregations, have used Jesus as an excuse to continue sinning, and/or ignoring the law, focusing only on grace. The cold hard truth? Yes, the grace of God through the death of His blameless, perfect, holy son Jesus saves us from eternal damnation, but I encourage you to read chapter 6 of Romans and hear God speak through Paul on this matter:
Christ's death and resurrection, and our faith in Him as our savior certainly makes us free, but that freedom doesn't mean our original sin ("Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me." -Psalm 51:5) simply vanishes into thin air. Being or becoming a Christian doesn't mean all of our problems go away. Christ has ultimately won the battle against death and the devil, but we will still have daily struggles between our sinful nature and our faith.
This is why the law is so important! The law shows us our sinful nature, even when we don't want to see it, and shows us how desperately we need Jesus. When we stray from the path of righteousness and fall into the temptation of sin, the law serves as a flashing sign to remind us that what we're doing is not okay, to remind us that Christ didn't die so we could continue to live a sinful life, He died so that we can be forgiven, spread His love to the world, and spend eternity with Him in paradise!
When we avoid the law, we begin to cut out pieces of our relationship with the Lord. Without the law, what need is there for gospel? If we aren't going to be punished for our sins, why would we need Jesus? As painful as it may be to hear about our sins and the consequences for them, when we look at the law as an arrow pointing to Christ, we can cling to Him and our faith tighter with the realization that it is only through Him that we can be saved from the "wages of sin"...death.
My prayer is that we all can begin to see the law as more than just a list of guidelines and punishments (don't make me write another entry on ontology and teleology...no matter how happy Dr. Trapp would be :) ), and definitely not just something we fear, but as a reminder that we can never be perfect, we can never fully escape our original sin (no matter how hard we try), and that's why we need Jesus so desperately. I pray that when the law strikes fear in you, when you feel alone, unloved, and too sinful for redemption, that you use the law to find the grace of God, and run into His loving, forgiving arms.
Love Always,
-ellie*
Ouch. Romans 3:23 has got to be one of the bluntest, harshest, and coldest examples of plain, unsweetened law I've got in my toolbox of Holy Scripture.
I was at FISH (Concordia University Saint Paul's Wednesday night contemporary worship service) when I first encountered this verse, and let me tell you, it was like getting thrown in an ice bath. I had come to FISH that night with a desperate need to hear some gospel, but when the first set of music was finished, the band stepped down, and the speaker flashed those words on her first slide, it seemed as if I was just going to get slapped in the face with the law.
That's the thing about the law. It's painful. It stings. And it's scary. So scary, that some Christians refuse to acknowledge it's existence. I've lost count of how many times Christians, and even entire congregations, have used Jesus as an excuse to continue sinning, and/or ignoring the law, focusing only on grace. The cold hard truth? Yes, the grace of God through the death of His blameless, perfect, holy son Jesus saves us from eternal damnation, but I encourage you to read chapter 6 of Romans and hear God speak through Paul on this matter:
Dead to Sin, Alive to God
1What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? 2By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? 3Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. 5For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. 6We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. 7For one who has died has been set free from sin. 8Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. 10For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. 11So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. 13Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness.14For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.
Slaves to Righteousness
15What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, 18and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. 19I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification. 20For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. 21But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. 22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. 23For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
From this passage, we learn that although by grace, through faith:
"This is the true freedom from sin and from the law. ... it is a freedom only to do good with pleasure and to live well without the compulsion of the law. Therefore this freedom is a spiritual freedom, which does not overthrow the law but presents what the law demands, namely, pleasure [in the law] and love [for it] whereby the law is quieted and no longer drives men or makes demands of them. ... Our freedom is, therefore, no carefree fleshly freedom which is not obligated to do anything, but a freedom that does many works of all kinds, and is free of the demands and obligations of the law." (Luther's Works, 35:375-76)
Christ's death and resurrection, and our faith in Him as our savior certainly makes us free, but that freedom doesn't mean our original sin ("Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me." -Psalm 51:5) simply vanishes into thin air. Being or becoming a Christian doesn't mean all of our problems go away. Christ has ultimately won the battle against death and the devil, but we will still have daily struggles between our sinful nature and our faith.
This is why the law is so important! The law shows us our sinful nature, even when we don't want to see it, and shows us how desperately we need Jesus. When we stray from the path of righteousness and fall into the temptation of sin, the law serves as a flashing sign to remind us that what we're doing is not okay, to remind us that Christ didn't die so we could continue to live a sinful life, He died so that we can be forgiven, spread His love to the world, and spend eternity with Him in paradise!
When we avoid the law, we begin to cut out pieces of our relationship with the Lord. Without the law, what need is there for gospel? If we aren't going to be punished for our sins, why would we need Jesus? As painful as it may be to hear about our sins and the consequences for them, when we look at the law as an arrow pointing to Christ, we can cling to Him and our faith tighter with the realization that it is only through Him that we can be saved from the "wages of sin"...death.
My prayer is that we all can begin to see the law as more than just a list of guidelines and punishments (don't make me write another entry on ontology and teleology...no matter how happy Dr. Trapp would be :) ), and definitely not just something we fear, but as a reminder that we can never be perfect, we can never fully escape our original sin (no matter how hard we try), and that's why we need Jesus so desperately. I pray that when the law strikes fear in you, when you feel alone, unloved, and too sinful for redemption, that you use the law to find the grace of God, and run into His loving, forgiving arms.
Love Always,
-ellie*
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
He Loves Us.
Listen to this:
We are His portion, and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes...
...if grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And honestly, that's all I've got for you. I know the words of this are a reminder that I need right now, and maybe some of you need it, too. He loves us, and His grace and love are so powerful that nothing can rip us away from Him. Not our sin, not our feelings of being unloved, lonely, and worthless, not the people who constantly tell us that we are inadequate...nothing. We should never forget that our God has poured out so much grace, love, and mercy for us, that we're literally drowning in it. That's passion. That's love. That's what our Savior has done for us, not because we deserve it, not because of anything we've done...just pure grace and love.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39.
Love Always,
-ellie*
We are His portion, and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes...
...if grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And honestly, that's all I've got for you. I know the words of this are a reminder that I need right now, and maybe some of you need it, too. He loves us, and His grace and love are so powerful that nothing can rip us away from Him. Not our sin, not our feelings of being unloved, lonely, and worthless, not the people who constantly tell us that we are inadequate...nothing. We should never forget that our God has poured out so much grace, love, and mercy for us, that we're literally drowning in it. That's passion. That's love. That's what our Savior has done for us, not because we deserve it, not because of anything we've done...just pure grace and love.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39.
Love Always,
-ellie*
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Who Are We?
Some of you may remember a post that I wrote while I was still in Nicaragua, "Who Am I?". Amongst the stories of sweat and pligramages to Chichigalpa, were thoughts about where I was going, and what I was going to be doing along the way.
I have been put in the position to think about the kinds of questions I was asking myself at that time again.
Yesterday, in my Formational Models for Christian Ministry class (a class where we talk about being affective, and healthy ministers of word and service), one of our professors, Kevin Hall, instructed us to go to a website, called Wordle. At this website, we typed words that described ourselves and our lives into a box, pressed a button, and then got to arrange and change the color of the words we typed in. The end result is a cluster of the words that you typed in that looks pretty dang epic.
Here was the first Wordle I designed:
I'd say that's a pretty accurate picture of what's inside of us. I know if you put my heart, your heart, or anyone else's heart, under a microscope, past the fake facades that we plaster on every day, this is what you'd find. We may be able to hide from the world to some degree, but this is what God sees when He looks at our sinful hearts.
But...
Praise the Living God for sending His Son, Jesus, to die for us! Because of Christ's death, the sinful actions that we daily execute have been wiped clean. His blood has cleansed us from all eternity. He has ripped the dirt and darkness out of our souls and saved us from the consequences of our sins. Because of Him, the picture changes from what we saw above, to something a little like this:
Pretty drastic transformation, huh? Through the power of Christ who dwells in us, we can do amazing things! Philippians 4:13 reminds us: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.". What powerful words this verse contains! This verse shows that with Christ, not only can we overcome the sometimes overpowering challenges of our lives, we can also make changes in this world. Massive and epically fantastic changes! We can make a difference by being who we are, because of what Christ is doing through us.
Now I have a challenge for you. Write down five things that you did today. Just five random things. A diverse mix of good, bad, or as unimportant as how many gray hairs you found today (I found three last week...ah! Totally not kidding, either.). Read your list. Read it again. Aaaand...read it one more time.
Look at each item on your list individually. Does it fit into a category such as daily routine, chores, or free time activity? Was it basically a "good" thing, or a "bad" thing? But most importantly, I want you to stretch beyond what each item on your list meant/did for you today. How did it effect everyone else? Sure, when you mowed the lawn, your yard looked better, and it made you feel a slight sense of accomplishment, but maybe it relieved some stress off of another memeber of your household. Or, maybe that fight you picked with your sister this morning because you were in a bad mood ruined the rest of her day.
What does your list, and how your list affects the world around you, say about you? What do your actions reveal about who you are? But even more important, how does that reflect you as a Christian, and what kind message does your attitude send to non-believers?
Missouri Synod Lutherans (which is my denominational background), as well as many other protestants, believe that salvation comes from the amazing grace, and grace alone, of God through faith in the life, death, and ressurection of His only son, Jesus Christ. Ephesians 2:8 makes this very clear: "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God." Our actions, good or bad, don't save us, and they definitely don't save others (if they did, what need would there be for a savior?), but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't give to charity, or voluntarily help others. James 2:26 says "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead." Once again, no, I am not trying to tell you that you are "dead" or lost because you don't do good works, but if our actions don't reflect that we are Christians who love Christ and our fellow brothers and sisters in Him, what's the point? God's going to love us no matter what we do, no matter how many times we mess up, no matter how many times we stray from the path, but that doesn't mean we just say "Okay, well, I'm gonna screw up anyways, so why not live in sin, and why sacrifice being ridiculed for the gospel?". What the world claims to be a curse, is actually our blessing. God has sent us into the world with the words of the Great Commission in Matthew 28:19, "Therefore go, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." And what's one of the easiest ways to witness Christ to our world? Through our actions and words. Even if you are put into a situation where you can never mention His name, you can still be Jesus to someone through what you say and do. God is THAT powerful, and that is so amazing!
Dr. Trapp (yes, I am referrencing my "all-knowing" Old Testament prof again) would call this 'ontology'. Meaning, we're being Jesus to our brothers and sisters in Christ because we are in a relationship with a God who loves us (not because we get to go to heaven if we do. Dr. Trapp would call that "teleology", or doing something because you'll get something out of it.). God loves us so much...even though without His son's blood we are worthless, filthy sinners. Because of that, we should show that same kind of unconditional, undeserved love to others.
Take another look at that list I asked you to make. If your actions are who you are, then who are you? What are you doing? Who have you been Jesus to today?
Love Always,
-ellie*
I have been put in the position to think about the kinds of questions I was asking myself at that time again.
Yesterday, in my Formational Models for Christian Ministry class (a class where we talk about being affective, and healthy ministers of word and service), one of our professors, Kevin Hall, instructed us to go to a website, called Wordle. At this website, we typed words that described ourselves and our lives into a box, pressed a button, and then got to arrange and change the color of the words we typed in. The end result is a cluster of the words that you typed in that looks pretty dang epic.
Here was the first Wordle I designed:
I forgot to type "epic" in there. Sad day.
Kevin made an interesting point after we had finished making our Wordles. He asked us about the types of words we had typed into our "Wordle" box. He pointed out that when asked to describe ourselves, many of us used words that described what we do. Take another look at my box. ^^^ Amongst words like "Christian" and "energetic", I've got musician, singer, actress, dancer, camp counselor, missionary, writer...
What about when we describe someone else? We'll go with Will Ferrell. What do you come up with? What are the first five words that come to mind? Here are mine:
Actor.
Comedian.
Performer.
Hilarious.
Celebrity.
Take a second look at that list. At least three, and if you stretch it, all five, of those words describe what Will Ferrell does. He acts, a type of performance, and he does it in a comedic way in which he knows other people will see.
Would you agree with me when I say that it's fair to assume that if someone was asked to describe you, words that fit with what you personally do will most likely come first? When I moved back to LeMars and people asked others who the new girl was, many times the responses would be something like "She's in choir.", or "She's a cheerleader.".
When asked to describe ourselves, many of us used words that described what we do.
Let's really think about that for a minute. What do you do? And if decisions about who you are as a person are based off of that...what kind of person are you? What does your "Wordle" look like?
Now, I'm not saying that my uber-positive "Wordle" is me 100% of the time. Everything in that jumble of words is positive (except maybe "loud"...and "ginger", if you ask my friends). If I was always everything in that box (and frankly, I'd definitely need to be much more), I might not even need a savior, but I'm definitely not everything in that box on a daily basis. If I was, I would be a much better person. The truth is...I'm a terrible person, who can't save myself from my own sinful nature on my own. Just like the rest of the world, I am in desperate need of Jesus.
So, what's really in our hearts then? How does what we do show the world who we are? What does that reflect on us? While pondering that, I opened up the "Wordle" website again, and began to think about what our sinful actions say about us. Here's what I came up with:
I'd say that's a pretty accurate picture of what's inside of us. I know if you put my heart, your heart, or anyone else's heart, under a microscope, past the fake facades that we plaster on every day, this is what you'd find. We may be able to hide from the world to some degree, but this is what God sees when He looks at our sinful hearts.
But...
Praise the Living God for sending His Son, Jesus, to die for us! Because of Christ's death, the sinful actions that we daily execute have been wiped clean. His blood has cleansed us from all eternity. He has ripped the dirt and darkness out of our souls and saved us from the consequences of our sins. Because of Him, the picture changes from what we saw above, to something a little like this:
Pretty drastic transformation, huh? Through the power of Christ who dwells in us, we can do amazing things! Philippians 4:13 reminds us: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.". What powerful words this verse contains! This verse shows that with Christ, not only can we overcome the sometimes overpowering challenges of our lives, we can also make changes in this world. Massive and epically fantastic changes! We can make a difference by being who we are, because of what Christ is doing through us.
Now I have a challenge for you. Write down five things that you did today. Just five random things. A diverse mix of good, bad, or as unimportant as how many gray hairs you found today (I found three last week...ah! Totally not kidding, either.). Read your list. Read it again. Aaaand...read it one more time.
Look at each item on your list individually. Does it fit into a category such as daily routine, chores, or free time activity? Was it basically a "good" thing, or a "bad" thing? But most importantly, I want you to stretch beyond what each item on your list meant/did for you today. How did it effect everyone else? Sure, when you mowed the lawn, your yard looked better, and it made you feel a slight sense of accomplishment, but maybe it relieved some stress off of another memeber of your household. Or, maybe that fight you picked with your sister this morning because you were in a bad mood ruined the rest of her day.
What does your list, and how your list affects the world around you, say about you? What do your actions reveal about who you are? But even more important, how does that reflect you as a Christian, and what kind message does your attitude send to non-believers?
Missouri Synod Lutherans (which is my denominational background), as well as many other protestants, believe that salvation comes from the amazing grace, and grace alone, of God through faith in the life, death, and ressurection of His only son, Jesus Christ. Ephesians 2:8 makes this very clear: "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God." Our actions, good or bad, don't save us, and they definitely don't save others (if they did, what need would there be for a savior?), but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't give to charity, or voluntarily help others. James 2:26 says "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead." Once again, no, I am not trying to tell you that you are "dead" or lost because you don't do good works, but if our actions don't reflect that we are Christians who love Christ and our fellow brothers and sisters in Him, what's the point? God's going to love us no matter what we do, no matter how many times we mess up, no matter how many times we stray from the path, but that doesn't mean we just say "Okay, well, I'm gonna screw up anyways, so why not live in sin, and why sacrifice being ridiculed for the gospel?". What the world claims to be a curse, is actually our blessing. God has sent us into the world with the words of the Great Commission in Matthew 28:19, "Therefore go, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." And what's one of the easiest ways to witness Christ to our world? Through our actions and words. Even if you are put into a situation where you can never mention His name, you can still be Jesus to someone through what you say and do. God is THAT powerful, and that is so amazing!
Dr. Trapp (yes, I am referrencing my "all-knowing" Old Testament prof again) would call this 'ontology'. Meaning, we're being Jesus to our brothers and sisters in Christ because we are in a relationship with a God who loves us (not because we get to go to heaven if we do. Dr. Trapp would call that "teleology", or doing something because you'll get something out of it.). God loves us so much...even though without His son's blood we are worthless, filthy sinners. Because of that, we should show that same kind of unconditional, undeserved love to others.
Take another look at that list I asked you to make. If your actions are who you are, then who are you? What are you doing? Who have you been Jesus to today?
Love Always,
-ellie*
Friday, September 3, 2010
One Week Later...
Well, I've been back at school for almost a week now, and I feel like my head is in the middle of a hurricane.
Concordia is amazing of course. I love my classes, it's great to see all my old friends, I've met some awesome new people, and the year is starting off really well. The problem? I over prepared myself for my return.
It's always hard to return to the U.S. after going over seas. The manana mentality of Latin America is a night and day difference from the "go-go-go" mentality of the United States. I knew that once my plane landed, my days of laying on picnic tables, salsa dancing, and random jam sessions that took up the large amount of free time I had in Nicaragua, would be replaced by classes, homework, club meetings, and trying to just...catch up. However, I haven't even given myself the chance to transition, and I know that by doing that, I'm making a huge mistake.
Throughout this summer, God has made some incredible changes in me. He has been at work in my heart, and in many ways, I've returned to CSP as a completely different girl than I was in May. He once again showed me the strength I have in my Camp Okoboji family, He brought me through a battle with malaria, He kept me safe during robberies, and He watched over me when I got appendicitis two days before I was supposed to leave the country (if having surgery in a not so clean Nicaraguan hospital and coming out perfectly okay, especially with my weak immune system, doesn't show me how powerful my God is, something is wrong).
He has been teaching me that He is so much bigger than any trial I may face. He has shown me that His love covers all of my insecurities, all of my problems, all of my stress...everything. So when I come back to Concordia and start beating myself up and saying I'm not "good enough" because I can't breathe deep enough (due to my surgery) to sing 8-bar phrases in Christus, or when I get frustrated when something little doesn't go exactly right, I'm just tossing aside everything I've learned this summer like it doesn't matter. But it does. It matters so much! I don't want to be back in a place of blaming God when I'm in the midst of a storm. I want to continue to grow in my faith, like I have been over the past three months.
So, I guess I'm just asking for your prayers and support, and that those of you who see me daily can bear with me during this struggle.
And I'm really tired (don't ask why I'm still up), so if this blog makes no sense, or seems...random/jumpy/broken up/(insert whatever adjective here), I apologize. :)
Also, as always, please keep New Song Mission Nicaragua in your prayers.
Love Always,
-ellie*
Concordia is amazing of course. I love my classes, it's great to see all my old friends, I've met some awesome new people, and the year is starting off really well. The problem? I over prepared myself for my return.
It's always hard to return to the U.S. after going over seas. The manana mentality of Latin America is a night and day difference from the "go-go-go" mentality of the United States. I knew that once my plane landed, my days of laying on picnic tables, salsa dancing, and random jam sessions that took up the large amount of free time I had in Nicaragua, would be replaced by classes, homework, club meetings, and trying to just...catch up. However, I haven't even given myself the chance to transition, and I know that by doing that, I'm making a huge mistake.
Throughout this summer, God has made some incredible changes in me. He has been at work in my heart, and in many ways, I've returned to CSP as a completely different girl than I was in May. He once again showed me the strength I have in my Camp Okoboji family, He brought me through a battle with malaria, He kept me safe during robberies, and He watched over me when I got appendicitis two days before I was supposed to leave the country (if having surgery in a not so clean Nicaraguan hospital and coming out perfectly okay, especially with my weak immune system, doesn't show me how powerful my God is, something is wrong).
Me with my appendix in the hospital in Chinadega!
He has been teaching me that He is so much bigger than any trial I may face. He has shown me that His love covers all of my insecurities, all of my problems, all of my stress...everything. So when I come back to Concordia and start beating myself up and saying I'm not "good enough" because I can't breathe deep enough (due to my surgery) to sing 8-bar phrases in Christus, or when I get frustrated when something little doesn't go exactly right, I'm just tossing aside everything I've learned this summer like it doesn't matter. But it does. It matters so much! I don't want to be back in a place of blaming God when I'm in the midst of a storm. I want to continue to grow in my faith, like I have been over the past three months.
So, I guess I'm just asking for your prayers and support, and that those of you who see me daily can bear with me during this struggle.
And I'm really tired (don't ask why I'm still up), so if this blog makes no sense, or seems...random/jumpy/broken up/(insert whatever adjective here), I apologize. :)
Also, as always, please keep New Song Mission Nicaragua in your prayers.
Love Always,
-ellie*
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Learning to Be Loved.
This one time at Camp Okoboji...
So, I was at Camp Okoboji and we...
Camp Okoboji has this crazy tradition where...
You hear it from me all the time, and I know it. I fully admit that I never shut up about Camp. I am fully confident that I haven't gone a single day in the past 11 (or is it 12...I have no idea, I lost count...) years without mentioning the name "Camp Okoboji" at least once.
God often works through important individuals in our lives to help us get back on track. This is why having friendships with strong foundations in faith are so important. Just like your best friend can point you towards that lost term paper buried beneath the left over Ramen and folders on your desk, through Christ, your best friend can be someone to point you in the right direction in your walk with God when you feel like you've "lost" Him, even though He's been there all along.
In my life, many, many times, Camp Okoboji has been that best friend. When I've been burdened by guilt, or pain, or whatever else may be troubling my heart, and I've lost sight of the cross, my amazing friends that God has blessed me with at Camp Okoboji have been right there to point me in the right direction and remind me that God has never left my side. Their love is a reflection of the love that Christ has for us. It may be a blurry reflection (because no one can ever love us as much as Jesus), but to me, it is incredibly precious. These people have loved me and accepted me (no questions asked) for who I am for years. They've been there through tears and laughter. They have reminded me to seek God when I'm feeling down and unloved.
I love Jesus. I really do. He is my rock, my light, my everything, but sometimes, my relationship with Him can feel like it's the same as it is with everyone else. And that's no one else's fault but my own. I'm focusing so much on how I don't deserve His love, that I can't let Him completely into my heart. Christ's gift of love is free! It's not by anything that we've done, and it's definitely not because we deserve it!
After many late-night talks at Camp Okoboji in July, I had a better understanding of where I stood in my faith walk, which was great, but I was completely unprepared for how God was going to put me in situations here in Nicaragua where I was going to have to apply that knowledge and start to grow.
The youth in Candelaria began to break my heart and have love pour out of me from the first time I met them, and throughout my time here this trip, that has only gotten stronger. However, I used to think that I was just another missionary coming through, someone they could hang out with for a few weeks that they'd all but completely forget about several months down the road. But, seeing friendships continue to grow that I formed here in January, and experiencing those friendships getting deeper, it becomes clearer and clearer to me that these relationships aren't just one-sided.
It's so easy to leave a mission base at the end of a trip and forget that after you leave, life goes on. You think of the people you worked with fondly, you smile at the photographs, but as more time passes and your life continues to get busier and busier, those relationships begin to fade. But the truth is, while you're back home, all of those people that you witnessed to...with all of their heartache, with all of their brokenness...they're still there. And believe it or not, they do remember you.
This time, I can't forget about the reality I'll be leaving behind when I land in the United States. I couldn't even if I wanted to. The people in Nicaragua are no longer just people I'm witnessing to that I see once or twice a year. They're my friends. True friends. They're climbing right up there close to Camp Okoboji friends...it's crazy! These people have opened up their hearts to me, and showed me pure, Christ-like love, expecting absolutely nothing in return. And if I'm uncomfortable with it, or if I feel guilty and undeserving of their kindness...too bad! They couldn't care less. I love these people, and I am so blessed to be loved by them in return. Praise Jesus for changing the life of a daughter who came here to change the lives of others.
I suppose that's it for this random, spur of the moment, late-night, "I've-got-a-ton-of-thoughts-so-let's-blog" blog. Thanks for daring to dive into my crazy mind for a few minutes.
Please keep the mission in your prayers. Hugs from Nicaragua!
Love Always,
-ellie*
So, I was at Camp Okoboji and we...
Camp Okoboji has this crazy tradition where...
You hear it from me all the time, and I know it. I fully admit that I never shut up about Camp. I am fully confident that I haven't gone a single day in the past 11 (or is it 12...I have no idea, I lost count...) years without mentioning the name "Camp Okoboji" at least once.
Me and some of my AMAZING friends at the IDW Youth Week 2009 dance at Camp Okoboji.
Why?God often works through important individuals in our lives to help us get back on track. This is why having friendships with strong foundations in faith are so important. Just like your best friend can point you towards that lost term paper buried beneath the left over Ramen and folders on your desk, through Christ, your best friend can be someone to point you in the right direction in your walk with God when you feel like you've "lost" Him, even though He's been there all along.
In my life, many, many times, Camp Okoboji has been that best friend. When I've been burdened by guilt, or pain, or whatever else may be troubling my heart, and I've lost sight of the cross, my amazing friends that God has blessed me with at Camp Okoboji have been right there to point me in the right direction and remind me that God has never left my side. Their love is a reflection of the love that Christ has for us. It may be a blurry reflection (because no one can ever love us as much as Jesus), but to me, it is incredibly precious. These people have loved me and accepted me (no questions asked) for who I am for years. They've been there through tears and laughter. They have reminded me to seek God when I'm feeling down and unloved.
IDW Junior High Week Counselors 2010 with P.R.
I've never really had friendships that quite compare with that of my Camp Okoboji friends. It's taken me years, and I literally mean YEARS to finally be okay with how much love this group of people so freely gives me.
It may be difficult for me to be okay with receiving freely given love, but when it comes to giving it, that's a whole different story. I love giving hugs. I love making people smile. I love brightening peoples' days. It's simply a part of who I am. Christ's intense love for us has inspired me to try to be the same way towards others, and while it's been a challenge to stretch my heart and see everyone with Christ-like eyes, the past year or so (especially these last two months at Camp Okoboji and in Nicaragua), has made me realize that my struggle with accepting that kind of love from others is a much bigger deal than I originally thought.
I tend to feel guilty whenever anyone says something or does something nice for me. I don't know why, I just do. After a lot of prayer and reflection, I'm beginning to see how my struggle with accepting love from others paints a clear picture of my relationship with Christ.
I love Jesus. I really do. He is my rock, my light, my everything, but sometimes, my relationship with Him can feel like it's the same as it is with everyone else. And that's no one else's fault but my own. I'm focusing so much on how I don't deserve His love, that I can't let Him completely into my heart. Christ's gift of love is free! It's not by anything that we've done, and it's definitely not because we deserve it!
After many late-night talks at Camp Okoboji in July, I had a better understanding of where I stood in my faith walk, which was great, but I was completely unprepared for how God was going to put me in situations here in Nicaragua where I was going to have to apply that knowledge and start to grow.
The youth in Candelaria began to break my heart and have love pour out of me from the first time I met them, and throughout my time here this trip, that has only gotten stronger. However, I used to think that I was just another missionary coming through, someone they could hang out with for a few weeks that they'd all but completely forget about several months down the road. But, seeing friendships continue to grow that I formed here in January, and experiencing those friendships getting deeper, it becomes clearer and clearer to me that these relationships aren't just one-sided.
Me with some of the kids during Sunday School in January.
It's so easy to leave a mission base at the end of a trip and forget that after you leave, life goes on. You think of the people you worked with fondly, you smile at the photographs, but as more time passes and your life continues to get busier and busier, those relationships begin to fade. But the truth is, while you're back home, all of those people that you witnessed to...with all of their heartache, with all of their brokenness...they're still there. And believe it or not, they do remember you.
This time, I can't forget about the reality I'll be leaving behind when I land in the United States. I couldn't even if I wanted to. The people in Nicaragua are no longer just people I'm witnessing to that I see once or twice a year. They're my friends. True friends. They're climbing right up there close to Camp Okoboji friends...it's crazy! These people have opened up their hearts to me, and showed me pure, Christ-like love, expecting absolutely nothing in return. And if I'm uncomfortable with it, or if I feel guilty and undeserving of their kindness...too bad! They couldn't care less. I love these people, and I am so blessed to be loved by them in return. Praise Jesus for changing the life of a daughter who came here to change the lives of others.
Anthony, me, and Abel. :)
Please keep the mission in your prayers. Hugs from Nicaragua!
Love Always,
-ellie*
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