Concordia is amazing of course. I love my classes, it's great to see all my old friends, I've met some awesome new people, and the year is starting off really well. The problem? I over prepared myself for my return.
It's always hard to return to the U.S. after going over seas. The manana mentality of Latin America is a night and day difference from the "go-go-go" mentality of the United States. I knew that once my plane landed, my days of laying on picnic tables, salsa dancing, and random jam sessions that took up the large amount of free time I had in Nicaragua, would be replaced by classes, homework, club meetings, and trying to just...catch up. However, I haven't even given myself the chance to transition, and I know that by doing that, I'm making a huge mistake.
Throughout this summer, God has made some incredible changes in me. He has been at work in my heart, and in many ways, I've returned to CSP as a completely different girl than I was in May. He once again showed me the strength I have in my Camp Okoboji family, He brought me through a battle with malaria, He kept me safe during robberies, and He watched over me when I got appendicitis two days before I was supposed to leave the country (if having surgery in a not so clean Nicaraguan hospital and coming out perfectly okay, especially with my weak immune system, doesn't show me how powerful my God is, something is wrong).
Me with my appendix in the hospital in Chinadega!
He has been teaching me that He is so much bigger than any trial I may face. He has shown me that His love covers all of my insecurities, all of my problems, all of my stress...everything. So when I come back to Concordia and start beating myself up and saying I'm not "good enough" because I can't breathe deep enough (due to my surgery) to sing 8-bar phrases in Christus, or when I get frustrated when something little doesn't go exactly right, I'm just tossing aside everything I've learned this summer like it doesn't matter. But it does. It matters so much! I don't want to be back in a place of blaming God when I'm in the midst of a storm. I want to continue to grow in my faith, like I have been over the past three months.
So, I guess I'm just asking for your prayers and support, and that those of you who see me daily can bear with me during this struggle.
And I'm really tired (don't ask why I'm still up), so if this blog makes no sense, or seems...random/jumpy/broken up/(insert whatever adjective here), I apologize. :)
Also, as always, please keep New Song Mission Nicaragua in your prayers.
Love Always,
-ellie*
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