Heartbreak.

In my short life, I have yet to find emotions quite as powerful as those that stem from a broken heart: the sadness, the anger, the overwhelming loneliness, the feelings of isolation...as far as I'm concerned, there is absolutely nothing in the realm of human experiences as painful as heartbreak.

Many of us have spent the majority of our lives with our hearts shattered, relying on ourselves to pick up each piece on our own. But I think we all know deep down that we can't do it. As imperfect, sinful beings, our original sin continues to slice and stab and tear apart any feeble attempt our mortal selves could possibly make in order to begin healing. And even worse, the scriptures clearly tell us it's that original sin at the root of our heartbreak in the first place.

Well, doesn't that just rock your socks off?

What do we do, then? Here we are, in this vicious, filthy cycle of heart shattering sin and darkness, unable to save ourselves from ourselves. Here we are, trying to mend the ripped seams of our lives according to what we want, in the way that we want things to occur. Here we are, pathetically attempting to fight a battle far too big for us.

Sometimes, I just don't understand humans. At every second of every day, especially during these times of isolation and pain, we have a Savior, waiting for us with open arms, freely offering forgiveness of the sins that have pulled us down into the pit, freely offering His blood for our redemption, freely offering His love, His grace, His ultimate mercy.

But we just walk on by, picking up our sinful hearts piece by piece, with Satan lingering not too far behind, whispering lies, and tag teaming with our original sin to destroy any progress we possibly could have achieved. I've found with many people (myself included), deep down, we do this because we don't feel worthy of Christ. We feel that we are too broken, too sinful, too...whatever, to be loved by Him. And frankly, that's the truth. We are completely unworthy of His grace and mercy, but when His blood was poured out on the cross, the veil was torn, the broken relationship with the father was restored, and the debt of the entire sinful world was paid.

In fact, God even uses our experiences in heartbreak in this already broken world to further His kingdom (And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. -Romans 8:28). God doesn't cast this pain upon us, but in His time, and within His lovingly crafted plans for us, He can use them to continue to shape us into the person He created us to be. He uses the valleys in our lives to demonstrate His constant presence and love in new and powerful ways (The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:18). He can lead us to use the painful lessons we have learned in testimonies to relate and reach out to other kindred spirits.

When I was in Nicaragua, my heart was broken over, and over, and over again, in an extreme variety of ways. From meeting another missionary who could have been the perfect guy for me if we didn't live thousands of miles apart, to feelings of failure when I felt that I wasn't doing my job good enough, to literal ache in my entire being when I saw all the pain and brokenness that afflicted Candelaria and it's residents. God used that aching in my heart and soul to ignite a flame of passion. Passion not only for the individuals I was so blessed to serve in Latin America, but for all of my brothers and sisters in Christ. He led me down a path that caused me to desire a life of servitude to His kingdom stronger than I'd ever had before. God used my brokenness, my flaws, my pain, to strengthen the servant's heart He had already blessed me with at the time He created me.

My prayer is that we can all learn to look at our brokenness in a different light - the light of Christ Jesus, so that we can submit to Him, taking up our daily cross - those burdens that afflict our lives each day - and follow the path He has made for us. I pray that a spirit of passion is ignited from our wounded hearts, creating a flame that can change and illuminate this world.

"Heal my heart and make it clean,
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like You
Have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours,
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from Earth into eternity." -Hosanna, by Hillsong.

Love Always,
-ellie*

P.S. Please pray for my grandpa. He has been in and out of the emergency room and hospital a lot lately due to renal failure. He is on dialysis and is struggling with having a preoccupation of mortality. Prayers for comfort and assurance of God's love and grace and constant reminding of the promise of eternal life would be greatly appreciated by my entire family during this difficult time.


I would also like to ask for prayers for all ten of the Concordias in the Concordia University System of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. Prayer for wisdom and understanding on the part of the faculty and staff, for focus and devotion on the part of the students, and a strong and loving sense of Christ-centered community on all of the campuses this academic year and beyond.

Hearing the Truth In the Midst of Lies.

The devil is a persistent dude. He's like those kids on the playground in elementary school who teased you about your glasses. Your mom always told you to ignore them, but they never backed down. They wanted a reaction out of you, and it didn't matter how long it took, they'd keep on calling you "four-eyes" until you started crying, or worse, hit them, and then you ended up being the one in trouble.

Recently, in my life, Satan has been acting like those kids. He just will not quit. For a few months, until mid-June, my walk had been straying from the path God has called me to be on. If people asked me if I was a Christian, I would say something like "Yes, but I'm kinda in a fight with God right now". When I finally stopped trying to get what I wanted in life by rebelling against my Holy Father, I was excited to listen to God speak life and truth into me again, but I wasn't prepared for the sore loser's attack from Satan.

Satan doesn't fight fair. He fights dirty. He takes low blows, and he hits you where it really hurts. In high school, I tried out for the Iowa All-State Choir every year, and I never made it. My senior year, when I was rejected for the fourth and final time, I wanted to quit everything to do with music: band, choir, show choir, my lead role in the musical - everything. I felt worthless, like I had no talent, and just plain hurt. I let Satan whisper so many lies into my ears about my abilities and place in the world that I completely looked past any of the things I had previously accomplished in music, or anything else. I was so focused on the lies that Satan had planted in my heart, that I started to lose sight of the truth: God had graciously blessed me with my voice as a way to spread His love to the world, and Satan would do anything he could to stop me from raising my voice in praise to God.

Satan's favorite trick with me though, is to use the people I care about the most against me. He knows that because I have a big heart, that if one person is upset with me (or seems upset with me), or doesn't care about me (or seems like they don't care about me), I'll feel like the world is ending, everyone hates me, and I'm worthless. This is where he's really been attacking me lately, and I've been letting it get the best of me - just what he wants. Thinking about this reminded me of the movie Luther (the 2003 version).

Near the beginning of the movie, Martin Luther is seen pacing around his cell at the monastery, arguing out loud with Satan, until Johann von Staupitz, his mentor, approaches him. Luther was so often terrorized by the devil, resulting in the spewing of anger and rebellion towards God, as he tried to fight Satan's lies and temptations on his own. Johann is quick to remind him that the devil "knows all the weak spots", and encourages Luther to look to Christ.

Now, I know that I'll be quick to call out the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod on putting their focus on Luther and Paul first, and Christ second, but regardless, Martin Luther has always been such an inspiring man to me. Here was this man, who literally came from nothing, who was on the path to being an attorney, who happens to get struck by lightning, and then finds himself in a monastery being relentlessly harassed by Lucifer. Life sucks, huh? But his bravery, his courage, and most importantly, his faith in Jesus, allowed him to change the world. When he finally grasped the fact that Satan "knows all the weak spots", the reality of the strength we have in Christ could shine through. When he stopped trying to do everything on his own, to figure everything out on his own, the Holy Spirit began to work in his heart full force to spread the Good News of the love and grace that we receive as a free gift from God.

When I am reminded of inspiring stories such as Luther's, I can only begin to imagine the amazing things God has planned for each and every one of us. But, at the same time, my heart aches to know that the lethal combination of the conniving devil and our sinful nature will fight to get (and stay) in the way of those plans.

We all know the devil fights dirty. He fights with deceit, and hate, and darkness. So I pray that we all can find strength in Christ Jesus and fight back with truth, and love, and light. We are covered by the blood of our Savior who provides us with God's Holy Armor (Ephesians 6:10-17...check it out if you're not familiar with this passage), and through Him we are victorious - free from Satan, sin, and death.

I leave you with a song by Casting Crowns, Voice of Truth. I hope that it speaks to you, reminding you that we must cling to Christ, and seek Him every day of our lives. He provides our strength, our everything, and the truth He speaks is the only sound that really matters. :)

Love Always,
-ellie*

P.S. I would  like to ask you all for your prayers for my dear family at New Song Mission Nicaragua. About three and a half months ago, Anthony Cadena, a 17-year-old youth, drowned in the ocean. Anthony was an inspiring young man. He had a beautiful heart, and faith that could move mountains. He was very active in the church, a blessing to everyone he knew, and such a wonderful friend to me during my summer in Nicaragua in 2010. I especially would like to ask for prayers for Anthony's family, Lisa and Whitney (resident missionaries at New Song who were incredibly close to Anthony), and three of the youth: Andres, Gato (Marvin), and Abel...they were his best friends. God has been laying his healing hand over Candelaria, and all the people here in the States that have been blessed to have Anthony as a part of their lives, but there is still so much pain and so many unanswered questions. Please pray for continued healing and strength, and a sense of peace among us all, particularly the youth of New Song.



Anthony and I, August 2010.

.L-A-W.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..." -Romans 3:23.

Ouch. Romans 3:23 has got to be one of the bluntest, harshest, and coldest examples of plain, unsweetened law I've got in my toolbox of Holy Scripture.

I was at FISH (Concordia University Saint Paul's Wednesday night contemporary worship service) when I first encountered this verse, and let me tell you, it was like getting thrown in an ice bath. I had come to FISH that night with a desperate need to hear some gospel, but when the first set of music was finished, the band stepped down, and the speaker flashed those words on her first slide, it seemed as if I was just going to get slapped in the face with the law.

That's the thing about the law. It's painful. It stings. And it's scary. So scary, that some Christians refuse to acknowledge it's existence. I've lost count of how many times Christians, and even entire congregations, have used Jesus as an excuse to continue sinning, and/or ignoring the law, focusing only on grace. The cold hard truth? Yes, the grace of God through the death of His blameless, perfect, holy son Jesus saves us from eternal damnation, but I encourage you to read chapter 6 of Romans and hear God speak through Paul on this matter:

Dead to Sin, Alive to God 

¹What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? ²By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? ³Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? ⁴We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. ⁵For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. ⁶We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. ⁷For one who has died has been set free from sin. ⁸Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. ⁹We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. ¹⁰For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. ¹¹So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. ¹²Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. ¹³Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness.¹⁴For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.

Slaves to Righteousness  

¹⁵What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! ¹⁶Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? ¹⁷But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, ¹⁸and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. ¹⁹I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification. ²⁰For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. ²¹But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. ²²But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. ²³For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

From this passage, we learn that although by grace, through faith:

"This is the true freedom from sin and from the law. ... it is a freedom only to do good with pleasure and to live well without the compulsion of the law. Therefore this freedom is a spiritual freedom, which does not overthrow the law but presents what the law demands, namely, pleasure [in the law] and love [for it] whereby the law is quieted and no longer drives men or makes demands of them. ... Our freedom is, therefore, no carefree fleshly freedom which is not obligated to do anything, but a freedom that does many works of all kinds, and is free of the demands and obligations of the law." (Luther's Works, 35:375-76)

Christ's death and resurrection, and our faith in Him as our savior certainly makes us free, but that freedom doesn't mean our original sin ("Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me." -Psalm 51:5) simply vanishes into thin air. Being or becoming a Christian doesn't mean all of our problems go away. Christ has ultimately won the battle against death and the devil, but we will still have daily struggles between our sinful nature and our faith.

This is why the law is so important! The law shows us our sinful nature, even when we don't want to see it, and shows us how desperately we need Jesus. When we stray from the path of righteousness and fall into the temptation of sin, the law serves as a flashing sign to remind us that what we're doing is not okay, to remind us that Christ didn't die so we could continue to live a sinful life, He died so that we can be forgiven, spread His love to the world, and spend eternity with Him in paradise!

When we avoid the law, we begin to cut out pieces of our relationship with the Lord. Without the law, what need is there for gospel? If we aren't going to be punished for our sins, why would we need Jesus? As painful as it may be to hear about our sins and the consequences for them, when we look at the law as an arrow pointing to Christ, we can cling to Him and our faith tighter with the realization that it is only through Him that we can be saved from the "wages of sin"...death.

My prayer is that we all can begin to see the law as more than just a list of guidelines and punishments (don't make me write another entry on ontology and teleology...no matter how happy Dr. Trapp would be :) ), and definitely not just something we fear, but as a reminder that we can never be perfect, we can never fully escape our original sin (no matter how hard we try), and that's why we need Jesus so desperately. I pray that when the law strikes fear in you, when you feel alone, unloved, and too sinful for redemption, that you use the law to find the grace of God, and run into His loving, forgiving arms.

Love Always,
-ellie*