Heartbreak.

In my short life, I have yet to find emotions quite as powerful as those that stem from a broken heart: the sadness, the anger, the overwhelming loneliness, the feelings of isolation...as far as I'm concerned, there is absolutely nothing in the realm of human experiences as painful as heartbreak.

Many of us have spent the majority of our lives with our hearts shattered, relying on ourselves to pick up each piece on our own. But I think we all know deep down that we can't do it. As imperfect, sinful beings, our original sin continues to slice and stab and tear apart any feeble attempt our mortal selves could possibly make in order to begin healing. And even worse, the scriptures clearly tell us it's that original sin at the root of our heartbreak in the first place.

Well, doesn't that just rock your socks off?

What do we do, then? Here we are, in this vicious, filthy cycle of heart shattering sin and darkness, unable to save ourselves from ourselves. Here we are, trying to mend the ripped seams of our lives according to what we want, in the way that we want things to occur. Here we are, pathetically attempting to fight a battle far too big for us.

Sometimes, I just don't understand humans. At every second of every day, especially during these times of isolation and pain, we have a Savior, waiting for us with open arms, freely offering forgiveness of the sins that have pulled us down into the pit, freely offering His blood for our redemption, freely offering His love, His grace, His ultimate mercy.

But we just walk on by, picking up our sinful hearts piece by piece, with Satan lingering not too far behind, whispering lies, and tag teaming with our original sin to destroy any progress we possibly could have achieved. I've found with many people (myself included), deep down, we do this because we don't feel worthy of Christ. We feel that we are too broken, too sinful, too...whatever, to be loved by Him. And frankly, that's the truth. We are completely unworthy of His grace and mercy, but when His blood was poured out on the cross, the veil was torn, the broken relationship with the father was restored, and the debt of the entire sinful world was paid.

In fact, God even uses our experiences in heartbreak in this already broken world to further His kingdom (And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. -Romans 8:28). God doesn't cast this pain upon us, but in His time, and within His lovingly crafted plans for us, He can use them to continue to shape us into the person He created us to be. He uses the valleys in our lives to demonstrate His constant presence and love in new and powerful ways (The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:18). He can lead us to use the painful lessons we have learned in testimonies to relate and reach out to other kindred spirits.

When I was in Nicaragua, my heart was broken over, and over, and over again, in an extreme variety of ways. From meeting another missionary who could have been the perfect guy for me if we didn't live thousands of miles apart, to feelings of failure when I felt that I wasn't doing my job good enough, to literal ache in my entire being when I saw all the pain and brokenness that afflicted Candelaria and it's residents. God used that aching in my heart and soul to ignite a flame of passion. Passion not only for the individuals I was so blessed to serve in Latin America, but for all of my brothers and sisters in Christ. He led me down a path that caused me to desire a life of servitude to His kingdom stronger than I'd ever had before. God used my brokenness, my flaws, my pain, to strengthen the servant's heart He had already blessed me with at the time He created me.

My prayer is that we can all learn to look at our brokenness in a different light - the light of Christ Jesus, so that we can submit to Him, taking up our daily cross - those burdens that afflict our lives each day - and follow the path He has made for us. I pray that a spirit of passion is ignited from our wounded hearts, creating a flame that can change and illuminate this world.

"Heal my heart and make it clean,
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like You
Have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours,
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from Earth into eternity." -Hosanna, by Hillsong.

Love Always,
-ellie*

P.S. Please pray for my grandpa. He has been in and out of the emergency room and hospital a lot lately due to renal failure. He is on dialysis and is struggling with having a preoccupation of mortality. Prayers for comfort and assurance of God's love and grace and constant reminding of the promise of eternal life would be greatly appreciated by my entire family during this difficult time.


I would also like to ask for prayers for all ten of the Concordias in the Concordia University System of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. Prayer for wisdom and understanding on the part of the faculty and staff, for focus and devotion on the part of the students, and a strong and loving sense of Christ-centered community on all of the campuses this academic year and beyond.